


When The Sun Don't Shine (You Are Mine)

by emmerrr



Series: Only Fools Rush In [1]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 10:59:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11103177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmerrr/pseuds/emmerrr
Summary: Ronan figures out what Adam means to him. Set during TDT and a little into BLLB.





	When The Sun Don't Shine (You Are Mine)

It’s been two weeks since Adam’s bargain with Cabeswater, and one since Ronan helped him move into the tiny apartment above St. Agnes. It’s Friday night and Ronan finds himself sitting on the step outside, waiting for Adam to return from work.

Why he’s there, he’s not quite sure. Maybe it’s something about not wanting to be at Monmouth, where the issue of Adam and what he has done is the elephant in the room that Gansey won’t acknowledge. Perhaps it’s that he’s not able to go home even though every single time he gets into his car, it takes physical effort for Ronan to actively _not_ drive to the Barns. Or maybe it’s because he sort of wants to track down Kavinsky and smoke the Mitsubishi up and down the streets of Henrietta even though he knows Gansey would disapprove.

All Ronan knows is that he has an itch to scratch, and without making a conscious decision to do so, he’s sought out Adam.

He's not sure how to feel about that.

It’s getting on for 9 o’ clock when Ronan finally spots Adam, wheeling his bike slowly across the church parking lot. Belatedly, Ronan thinks that perhaps he should have gone round to Boyd’s and given Adam a lift home. But then he’d have had to come up with some sort of excuse as to why he was there, and it was very possible that Adam wouldn’t have appreciated the gesture anyway. Although Adam isn’t as reticent to accept things from Ronan as he is from Gansey, Ronan has noticed. And he doesn’t know what that means, if anything, but it’s something to think about nonetheless.

Not that it matters _now_ , because Ronan _didn’t_ go to Boyd’s and Adam biked home as usual, and Ronan watches as he chains it up behind the stairs, partially out of view of the road but not entirely.

Ronan can tell that Adam has noticed him, but he’s not yet offered up a greeting, and as he climbs the stairs looking almost dead on his feet, Ronan says, “Don’t you worry it’ll get stolen?” He gestures to the bike.

Adam shrugs. “It’s locked up tight, and it’s on church property. Hopefully that’ll dissuade anyone from trying to take it.”

Ronan privately disagrees; people are scumbags, he knows this, but Adam definitely knows this as well. Ronan takes another look at Adam’s face and decides not to debate the issue; Adam is clearly too exhausted, and Ronan hasn’t come here looking for a fight. At least he doesn’t think he has.

Adam steps around Ronan on the top step and unlocks the door to his apartment, flicking the light on and leaving the door open for Ronan to step inside. He does, ducking last minute just before he bangs his head against the low-hanging beam. Adam heads immediately for his tiny bathroom, and while he showers, Ronan makes himself as comfortable as possible on the floor next to Adam’s mattress bed, stretching himself out with his hands behind his head.

He closes his eyes and dozes for a moment. He’s not been sleeping well — he never does, really — but a light snooze is better than nothing, and Ronan grabs a cat-nap wherever he can. He springs back to awareness when he hears Adam settle on the mattress beside him, and he opens his eyes.

Adam is sitting cross-legged on his mattress, messenger bag open beside him, and he rifles through it until he finds his Latin book. He opens it and rests it across his lap, pencil in hand, brow furrowed in concentration. The dark circles under his eyes are more pronounced than usual, and his hair sticks up in little tufts, still damp from the shower. Ronan follows the length of Adam’s arm down to where his elegant fingers fidget with the pencil in his hand.

It’s at least a minute until Adam senses Ronan’s attention — or it’s at least a minute until Adam _acknowledges_ the attention. He turns to Ronan and raises a pale eyebrow. “What?” he asks.

“What are you doing?” Ronan responds instead of answering.

Adam sighs the sigh of the exhausted, or of the long-suffering. “Homework, Lynch. Maybe you’ve heard of it?”

Ronan allows himself a brief, quicksilver grin. “Just because I never _do_ it, doesn’t mean I’ve never heard of it, Parrish. And fuck you, I’ve already finished _my_ Latin homework, actually.” It’s the only class Ronan’s ahead in, the only one he puts forth any effort in. And if you only give a damn about one class, it becomes very easy to stay on top of it.

Adam rolls his eyes, but there doesn’t seem to be anything malicious in it, and he returns his attention to his books.

After a moment, Ronan nudges Adam’s knee with his foot. “Seriously, Parrish. You just finished work, you look like shit, and it’s Friday anyway. You’ve got all weekend to do this, you don’t have to do it now.”

Adam’s jaw clenches and immediately Ronan knows he’s misstepped, for once without meaning to. “Actually, I _do_ have to do it now, Ronan. I have three different jobs to work tomorrow and on Sunday we have Cabeswater stuff to do with Gansey and Blue so I can’t do it then, and at some point it would be nice to catch up on sleep. Forgive me if we’re not all princes of Aglionby with the gift of unlimited time.” It comes out snappy and scornful, and Adam tiredly runs a hand down his face, features pinched in irritation and exhaustion and it grates on Ronan in a way he can’t fully understand.

Ronan resents the implication that he’s a ‘prince of Aglionby’, a term that far more accurately encapsulates someone like Gansey, or Henry Cheng and his Vancouver lot. And Ronan didn’t come here to argue, he really didn’t, but he’s abruptly angry. Angry at himself for saying the wrong thing _again_ , angry at Adam for taking an innocuous comment entirely the wrong way.

Ronan’s not good with words. But a slammed door sends a message just as easily.

He gets into the BMW and drives away, restless anger pulsing through his skin, always just below the surface. He shouldn’t have gone over to St. Agnes in the first place; he doesn’t know why he bothered.

He knows it’s a bad idea but he finds Kavinsky anyway, and allows the familiar thrill of racing to take the edge off.

It doesn’t last. It never does.

* * *

 

They’re at Dollar City, it’s night, and Ronan is raging at no one and everyone. Gansey is here because he knows Ronan needs a distraction, and he knows that if _he’s_ with Ronan, then Ronan isn’t with Kavinsky and getting himself into slightly more nefarious situations. Chainsaw is here because pets are allowed. And Noah is here because Noah is _always_ here, until he’s not.

Gansey’s on the phone with Adam when Noah flickers out, and that’s part of Ronan’s anger. Gansey and Adam on the phone, that is, not Noah flickering out. Ronan can surmise from Gansey’s side of the conversation that something eerie is happening with Cabeswater and freaking Adam the fuck out, and also that Adam knows about the tuition fees rising and his rent coming down and has come to the understandable but incorrect conclusion that Gansey is the culprit for this unexpected handout.

The real culprit wants to stick his fist through a wall. He’s both glad and disappointed that Adam hasn’t used that big brain of his to realise that it was Ronan who sorted the rent situation out, and the fact that both are true only serves to make him madder. And just because he didn’t tell anyone what he was doing, doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a secret. He wouldn’t lie about it if confronted, because Ronan doesn’t lie.

Again, he’s not sure why he did it. Adam needed it, obviously. He doesn’t have $2400 just sitting around, and he never would have asked any of them to spot him the money. But also, Adam is very clearly nearing his breaking point. Ronan saw a way to quietly help, and he did it. It didn’t have to be a big deal.

Sometimes, though, and increasingly, Ronan’s starting to think that what he wants most is Adam’s attention.

Ronan doesn’t know what to do with that revelation.

After Noah flickers out and then latches onto Ronan to flicker in again, giving Ronan the full-body equivalent of brain freeze, Gansey hangs up the phone and goes to deal with the disgruntled cashier. He comes back with paper towels to clean up Noah’s spilled glitter, and Ronan doesn’t offer his help. Instead, he asks, “What was up with Parrish?”

“He saw a woman in his apartment. He said she was trying to talk to him. He seemed a little freaked out. I think the ley line must be surging,” Gansey says, all business. Because they’re still not talking about what Adam did that night. Stealing the Camaro, bargaining with Cabeswater, Whelk. _I will be your hands. I will be your eyes._ They don’t yet know what that entails, and it’s been keeping Ronan awake at night even more so than usual.

But he can’t say that, because they’re not talking about it. Saint Parrish can do no wrong. “Ley line surging. Right. Yeah, I’ll bet that’s it.” He can hear the scorn in his own voice, but Gansey magnanimously ignores him, and leads the way out of Dollar City.

“I know why you’re mad,” Noah says as they trail Gansey to the exit.

And Ronan sneers even though it’s pointless; as cowardly as he is, Noah is impervious to Ronan’s sneers. Despite his expression, however, his heart starts to race. “Tell me then, Prophet.”

 _Say it_ , Ronan thinks. _I want you to say it. I want somebody to say it because I can’t, I just can’t—_

But Noah just shrugs. “It’s not my job to tell other people’s secrets.”

Ronan wonders what, then, Noah’s job _is_ exactly.

* * *

 

Ronan spends lots of nights at Adam’s place.

In a lot of ways, it’s easier. Despite its size, Ronan often finds Monmouth stifling. Not in the same way as he finds Aglionby stifling, but stifling nonetheless. It might be something to do with Gansey, who is so very clearly disappointed in both Ronan and Adam and yet won’t say anything. But mainly it’s because Monmouth is not the Barns, and Ronan can’t _go_ to the Barns. But he _can_ go to Adam’s for as long as Adam will let him.

Of course, for all the ways it’s easier, there’s a metric shit-ton of reasons why it’s harder, because Ronan knows what this is now. He knows what he feels. He won’t — can’t — mention it out loud. Not to himself, not to anyone, not even to Noah who undoubtedly already knows, creepy little omniscient fuck that he is.

It doesn’t matter anyway, because Adam has Blue. Or at least, Ronan _thinks_ Adam has Blue; it’s very hard to tell what’s going on with them and Ronan won’t ask. He both does and doesn’t want to know, and Adam is unlikely to ever talk to him about it regardless. Ronan has never exactly advertised himself as the kind of friend with an ear to listen to relationship-talk, or as a shoulder to cry on (metaphorically or not) should things not be developing as Adam would like.

He’s glad; he’s not sure he could take listening to Adam moon about Blue.

With everything that’s been going on since Adam bargained himself away to Cabeswater, Ronan’s pretty sure he’s spent more time with Adam than anyone else has, Blue included. Especially with all of his night time visits. Adam never seems surprised to see him, but Adam never seems that surprised with anything Ronan does anymore — he’s too tired. He just lets Ronan in wearily and gets back to whatever he was doing. Sometimes it’s sleeping, but more often than not it’s homework.

They fight sometimes, because it’s Ronan and it’s Adam and fighting is the cornerstone of their entire relationship. Ronan doesn’t storm out again, though, not like he did that first time. Because again, Adam’s reaching breaking point, and Ronan sort of thinks he could use the company, even if it is _Ronan’s_ company.

If it’s Latin homework that Adam’s doing, Ronan will help, purely because it gets done quicker that way and the sooner it’s done the sooner Adam can sleep. For the other subjects, Adam’s on his own, and Ronan amuses himself by trying to get Chainsaw to bring him things.

Adam clearly finds it terribly distracting but doesn’t really say anything, just heaves put-upon sighs and shoots Ronan glares. Ronan sometimes wonders if Adam will get fed up and ask him to leave, but he never does.

When he’s finished, Adam curls up on his flimsy mattress and goes to sleep. Ronan has a spare pillow and a sleeping bag he brought over and left for these ‘impromptu’ sleepovers, a fact that thankfully goes unmentioned by Adam. Ronan usually stays awake until Adam’s breathing evens out, because then Ronan is free to stare to his heart’s content.

Shame has him closing his eyes before long, whether sleep comes for him or not.

* * *

 

It’s after Adam and Gansey get back from northern Virginia that there’s a shift. After Adam disassociates and goes walkabout for hours, and then returns to Henrietta with a new (old) shitbox of a car and performs some sort of ritual with Persephone before sleeping through his 18th birthday. After Ronan has stolen and then destroyed Gansey’s beloved Camaro and then dreamt it up again for him. After he realises that the problem with Cabeswater is _him;_ him and Kavinsky, draining the ley line of energy with their dream thievery.

K makes it personal; he takes Matthew, and in the ensuing struggle to get him back, Ronan finds himself face to face with Adam in a dream, where he’s come to try and make something to fight Kavinsky’s dream dragon.

Adam frequents Ronan’s dreams, and Ronan can’t immediately tell if this is dream Adam or real Adam and he has to ask.

“Adam? Is it really you?”

“Lynch,” Adam replies sharply, and it’s undoubtedly him, although he also no longer seems the same. “What did Kavinsky just dream?”

“A fire fucker.”

“What are you dreaming to take it down?”

“Nothing. There’s nothing here.” Ronan can feel it; the dream-scape is stretched thin, liable to snap at any moment.

All of a sudden, Persephone is there at Adam’s side, a large rock in her hands, and Ronan doesn’t understand. “What are you doing?” he asks.

“Fixing it,” Adam says, like it’s obvious, and now that he’s said it, it _is_ obvious. Of course he’s fixing it. That’s what Adam does. “Start making something. I’ll try and have it up by the time you’re done.”

Ronan hears a scream, and knows it’s coming from outside the dream, from where Kavinsky’s dragon is wreaking havoc at the Fourth of July party, where Blue and Gansey are, where Matthew is hidden, afraid. There isn’t time.

“Hurry,” Persephone says helpfully, and Ronan knows she’s right.

But Adam is looking at Ronan in a way that has him almost frozen to the spot. “I know it was you,” Adam says. “I figured it out. The rent.”

And in this moment, before Adam breaks his gaze, Ronan almost says something. It’s right there on the tip of his tongue, but then Adam tears his eyes away, grabbing the rock from Persephone, and the moment shatters. Ronan doesn’t know if there will ever be a right time, but this is definitely the wrong one.

Adam sprints away to the opposite side of the shore.

“Now,” Persephone says.

* * *

 

Summer is hot and full of Cabeswater related activities. Ronan has his mother back, in a manner of speaking. They also have Adam back, in a manner of speaking, although there’s still a strange distance because Adam is _changed_ by his bargain with Cabeswater, and Ronan sees it every time he looks at him. Which, admittedly, is often. There’s a gap there, and Ronan wants to bridge it, but he’s not sure where to start.

Malory’s presence often drives Ronan out of Monmouth, but Ronan is no longer entirely exiled from the Barns and so takes himself there as often as he can. He has dreaming to do; dream cows to try and awaken in order to secure a future for Matthew who Ronan now knows to be one of his own dreams. Not just for Matthew, but for his mother, too, who effortlessly belongs in Cabeswater, a dream place, but who effortlessly belonged at the Barns as well, a place of dreams itself.

Ronan just wants his family back.

But this particular evening, it’s Adam he’s thinking of when he falls asleep at the Barns. Adam’s hands, in particular, and the chapped edges that come from working too long and too hard in dry heat. Adam never says anything, but it looks painful. Ronan could just buy him moisturiser, but he doesn’t think Adam would take it.

When Ronan wakes up, he’s frozen, but he can feel the weight of his dream object in his hands and knows he’s got what he wanted. When movement returns, he inspects the pot of dream hand-cream. The lotion is clear, smelling faintly of mist and moss. It will do, and Ronan turns it upside down and scrawls _manibus_ on the underside.

He is abruptly wide awake and knows he won’t get anything else done tonight, so he heads back to his car and starts the engine. Once he’s made it back to Henrietta, he drives past Boyd’s and notices Adam’s tri-coloured shitbox in the parking lot. The night horror, which followed the BMW back from Singers Falls, lands and makes its way unnervingly towards the entrance, where it’s almost guaranteed to give Adam a premature heart attack.

The night horror is one of Ronan's dream-things, after all. It wants what he wants.

Ronan makes a U-turn and pulls in next to Adam’s car. He feels in his pocket for the hand-cream, and he takes a breath.

No time like the present.

**Author's Note:**

> *title from When The Sun Don't Shine by Best Coast


End file.
